The Power Of Mimicry & Body Language
- Dan Greenberg
- May 6
- 6 min read
Many look down on mimicry as fake or deserving of rebuke. We have terms in our culture, colloquially used, like poser, which assign a very low level of respect to those who imitate others, or act in ways that are perceived to be copied from others’ actions. And yet, mimicry is one of the most basic, and useful human actions. Evolutionarily, we use it to seek like individuals and feel socially and physically secure. Being a part of a group is one of the most basic human needs. The fundamental building blocks of how we evaluate group membership are partially built on behavior and appearance. This may offend our modern social and cultural sensibilities, because it weighs appearance and superficial action very highly, and can easily be seen as a form of racial or cultural bias, but none of that changes the fact that it is part of our shared human nature.
Culturally, we also look down upon undesirable bias, and rightfully so. However, similar to mimicry, it is one of the most natural human behaviors to be attracted to, and to like people who look and act like us. It helps us be assured that we are normal and accepted socially and physically. Let’s look past appearance for a moment, and focus on behaviors and actions. It is not unreasonable for someone to judge a counterpart based on their ability to act in accordance with the social cues and behavioral norms of the environment that they are in.
Inevitably, each one of us gives off signals as to what we perceive as acceptable social behavior in each of the social settings that we find ourselves in. Regardless of the level of moral standing of your buyer, it is human nature for them to judge you and how well you fit into those social boundaries that they perceive. So, this makes it incumbent upon the seller to be aware of the behaviors of the buyer, and what those behaviors say about the expectations. Of course, at that point, the decision as to adherence level is completely a personal decision for the buyer, but being aware of the cues and the fact that it is a decision is important.
More to the point, mimicry, and other forms of conforming to social cues are not negatives, in and of themselves. Matching tone, cadence, volume, and excitement level are basic social skills that allow your counterpart, in a business setting, to feel comfortable and make it more likely that the relationship will be developed in a mutually beneficial way. The burden of this recognition and action usually falls on the seller because the buyer is usually thinking more about if they even want to engage than trying to think about advancing the relationship. If we focus on individualism and negative outlooks rather than matching the energy and tone of our counterpart we are shunning basic human nature and making relationship development much tougher.
It is worth it to think about mimicry, tone matching, and energy matching in business settings, and how they can influence relationships and deals. When people are given information that is meant to be repeated, we always make changes to the wording even if what we end up saying has virtually the same meaning as what we were told to say. If you look out for this in the real world, you will notice it, but there is a great example of it in pop-culture; specifically the TV show “Impractical Jokers”. First of all, it is a hilarious show, especially seasons 1–7, but more to the point, it illustrates the interesting balance that people attempt to walk when trying to navigate social situations. The premise of the show is that three comedians sit behind the camera and through an earpiece dictate to the fourth comedian what they are required to say and do in candid real world settings in front of the camera. The fourth comedian, who is operating in the world (other than the hidden cameras), is fed embarrassing or uncomfortable lines and actions, and is required to do and say them. Almost every line that is fed to the fourth comedian is then said in the real world setting, but almost without fail, the fourth comedian doctors the line in a way that changes the words but not the meaning.
The doctoring of the words accomplishes nothing in regards to the predicament they find themselves in. The things they end up saying are still extremely embarrassing and uncomfortable, the only thing that is changed through doctoring words is the feeling of ownership and control of the words being said. Think about that for a moment. These people are being put in horrifically embarrassing situations and even though they can’t change that reality, they still take one basic step, which is make sure they aren’t directly mimicking someone else.
The point of all of this is that we have a viscerally negative reaction to direct mimicry, and yet, it is basic human nature to attempt to fit in by showing that we are alike. The aversion could have to do with control and ownership, and it could have to do with authority, but whatever the contributing factors, we as humans have a deep and foundational aversion to precise and direct mimicry. On the other hand, we conform to societal norms, and go to great lengths to fit in through behavior that is similar to the group we want to be part of.
Like many things in life, we are searching for a balance. If we make it obvious that we are parroting back or deliberately trying to act like our counterpart it becomes undesired behavior and can quickly sour a relationship. But subtle mimicry, tone matching, and energy matching tells our counterpart that we are similar to them, and that brings a feeling of comfort which can create a fast track to trust and relationship building. The bottom line is that if we focus too much on individualism, and our unique way of doing things and interacting, we will not be taking into account how our body language, and behaviors can influence others.
Former FBI Supervisor Joe Navarro wrote an excellent book that I highly recommend called “What EveryBODY Is Saying”. In the book he takes the reader on a tour of the entire human body from head to toe, literally, discussing body language cues and tips to help a listener understand what that speaker is saying beyond the words that are being said. One of the biggest takeaways from the book is that we, as humans, tend to be very good at hiding, or betraying our true emotions with our face because we have a lot of practice doing it, so oftentimes the best signals that one can use to gauge another human being beyond their words come from other parts of their body.
The bottom line is that much of our communication is non-verbal. We have heard this line of reasoning before, but how many of us take the time to think about what that means for our calls, and our presentations, and our meetings. Most of the time we spend preparing for client interactions revolves around what we will say, and what we will show the client. But a very small portion of what the client will remember from the interaction will have anything to do with what we say or show.
Your clients’ lasting impression of your interaction will be stored in their brain and associated with a feeling. The negativity or positivity of that feeling will be determined by their comfort level with you, their assessment of how well you performed socially, and their level of comfort with you as a part of their network. These assessments will be made using a bit of what you said, but mostly how you and your body behaved during your interaction. That includes similar speech patterns and subtle mimicry. It includes signals of openness and comfort in your body language, and maybe most importantly, it includes the level of synchronization felt by the client which is heavily influenced by tone and energy matching. Disregarding these signals disregards our most basic human nature, but taking these signals into account can give you a much better chance to build rapport, and drive relationships forward.
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