Constructing an Email

I have spent that past couple of posts talking about email, and specifically cold email. Although the likelihood of success with truly cold email is decreasing due to ESP server filters, and oversaturation of inboxes, email is still a highly valuable tool, and can be leveraged throughout many stages of a sales cycle.

I want to take the time in this post to dive into some specifics around email, and to inspect some of the ways that we construct sentences and choose words, so that we can think about best practices around email. This is not specific to cold emails, it is more of a thought process for any early stage client email, where much of the thinking can be used to build emails, whether they be cold or not.

Before we jump into construction, let’s note four things that are highly relevant and should be thought about whenever creating an email:

1. People are mentally lazy (this is human nature), and are looking for reasons to read less: Your recipient is curious, and does not want to miss anything, but they are looking for a way to be sure they have understood what your message is about, using the least amount of time and effort possible, so that they can move on safe in the knowledge that they did not miss anything. This means that subject lines and preview text are highly important.

   
   

2. Credibility is your introduction: If you do not immediately prove your credibility, and relevance, you will lose the attention of your reader. This means that the first line of your email is the most important. It needs to leverage social proof, or a trusted source, to inform the reader that you are worth listening to. They don’t care about your company history, or the weather, or if you hope they are having a nice day. They care about whether or not you are worth taking time to listen to.

   
   

3. Fear is more compelling than hope: It is important to tap into the emotion of the reader, but hope for a better tomorrow is not nearly as compelling as fear, so the focus should be on immediate challenges, and reassurance that you know what they are dealing with.

   
   

4. You can’t make multiple points: The reader has only devoted so much mental energy to your email. If you try to make two points, or two asks, the reader won’t take away either. Make one point, and one ask. That is all.

   
   

OK, with the notes above in mind, let’s take a look at an example email from a fictional rep selling CRM tools at a fictional company called Revenueforce, to Nonprofit clients:

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SUBJECT: Follow Up

Hi Pat, I hope you are having a great week. Did you happen to catch us at the NTEN conference last month? I sell CRM solutions for Revenueforce which have been proven to improve operations and fund raising capabilities. I am reaching out to you because I heard that you showed interest in our solutions after the conference. I think we could really help your business out. Customers like ABC Corp love us. Would you like to set up a time to meet?

Commentary:

I’m not sure if you were catching on as you read this, but this is the prototypical example of what NOT to do. Sure it seems basically professional and decently put together on the surface, but let’s take a look at how the buyer’s mind will likely perceive this email.

Seller: “Hi Pat, I hope you are having a great week”

Buyer’s subconscious: Really? You do? I don’t really know you very well and you don’t know me, sure that’s a nice enough thing to hope for but I’m pretty sure you don’t really care unless I indicate that I have money for you.

Seller: “Did you happen to catch us at the NTEN conference last month?”

Buyer’s subconscious: I was there, but I really don’t care about your booth. I spent very little time with vendors because I was there to network and speak with piers.

Seller: “I sell CRM solutions for Revenueforce which have been proven to improve operations and fund raising capabilities.”

Buyer’s subconscious: Proven? I’m sure you have a decent product and you are going to tell me why it’s the best for some customers, and then your competitor is going to tell me the same thing and why theirs is the best for other customers. I don’t have time for a he said she said.

Seller: “I am reaching out to you because I heard that you showed interest in our solutions after the conference.”

Buyer’s subconscious: So basically, I made it onto some list? That’s pretty vague but ok.

Seller: “I think we could really help your business out.”

Buyer’s subconscious: Of course you do. It’s your job to say that, but based on what? You haven’t really told me anything that would help me understand why.

Seller: “Customers like ABC Corp love us.”

Buyer’s subconscious: I’m sure a lot of customers like their current solutions, it doesn’t mean it’s any better than another solution that another set of customers likes.

Seller: “Would you like to set up a time to meet?”

Buyer’s subconscious: I do not have time to deal with another potential vendor right now, and I’m definitely not taking my time to set up a meeting.

In order to inspect what went wrong above, let’s write the good version of this email. Remember, just because it is better does not mean it is a panacea or that it will work all the time or even much of the time. But, if you are getting a response on only 2% of your emails and you improve to 4%, that is a 100% increase in your efficiency.

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SUBJECT: <colleague name> told me that <X> is a big challenge at the moment

Hi Robin,

NTEN recently published findings in its Nonprofit Technology Guide that help define and quantify efficiency waste for nonprofits using older CRM software for development programs.

We speak with clients consistently about how efficiency losses hurt their programs.

I’d be happy to discuss efficiency improvement through technology.

Please let me know if you can catch up next week.

Commentary:

The email above does a number of things better than its inferior counterpart:

1. It does not include pleasantries that waste the buyer’s time and fall on deaf ears anyway. We are not insulting their intelligence by pretending that we have a personal relationship with them.

   
   

2. It is formatted in the F shape so that when the client looks at the email they only need to read one sentence, and then they can start skimming downward. It is also only 59 words compared to 84 above. This means that the email looks less daunting and is less daunting to get through.

   
   

3. This email does not focus on the selling organization by asking about conferences and booths, rather, it focuses on industry specific research that is relevant to the buying organization, and expresses earned expertise in the matter without sharing too much in an email. It also leverages social proof by referencing clients that are having conversations with the selling organization.

   
   

4. This email uses simple concepts and words, and not industry specific jargon, but does use nonprofit language when talking about fundraising by using the word, “development”. Development, and “programs” are the terms most likely used by the client in their day-to-day.

   
   

5. This email also asks for validation in a nuanced way, by conditioning the response on the client’s agreement with the idea that they would be happy to discuss efficiency improvement through technology.

   
   

6. Lastly, in the first email, we asked a 50/50 question at the end, “would you like to set up some time to meet?” This question is easily not answered, but it is just as easily answered with a “no”. In the email below, the condition is not whether or not the client can meet, it is simply if they can do it next week, which leaves the option for them to express interest without nailing themselves down to a time. Additionally, it asks for a catch up rather than a meeting which will seem less daunting to the client. Equivocating responses indicating some interest but no commitment are OK with an early stage email and can be easily followed up on.

   
   

If we went through the same exercise on the second email as we did with the first we could absolutely come up with pithy and annoyed responses from the buyer’s subconscious there too. It is virtually impossible to write a commercially viable email, as a seller, that does not run that risk. Afterall, the buyer is conditioned to have that reaction. The point is to go from 98% of readers dismissing you due to indifference or annoyance to 96%.

The “good” version of this email is an example of an email that would be sent very early in a cadence and very early in the lifecycle of a client relationship; likely first or second. This email could be followed up on in a number of ways. First, a seller could, and should, send more teasers and information about the research that furthers the intrigue. Second, the seller could, and should, send versions that more explicitly ask for brief calls and/or meetings. In these versions the seller can propose times and dates to make it easier on the client to simply select from them. Third, the seller could, and should, send additional research and insights that are relevant. Lastly, the seller could, and should, send versions that focus on other iterations and descriptions of the problem.

As selling organizations and sellers themselves build out email cadences and messaging plans for specific clients it becomes impossible to talk about what every possible iteration and strategy could look like, but the principals above work for early stage emails of all types.

Email is still a useful tool